Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
