Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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