if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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