Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
not ubering you a puppy
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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