Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
