Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
