You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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