just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
