My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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