Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
