My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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