woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just high enough for therapy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
