hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
