I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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