Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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