the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
