used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
