I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize