My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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