HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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