Do you still have your period?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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