If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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