The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
