I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
