i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
