Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
