The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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