sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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