My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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