just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
