Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
