fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
