I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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