I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
