Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
