Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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