Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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