At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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