my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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