it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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