Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
