Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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