Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
