Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
