drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
