omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
