im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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