Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize