She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
