how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
