i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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