i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
