I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
