No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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