hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
