i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
