White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
