Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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