He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
