Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
