forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
