I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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