i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
