1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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