Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
