We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize