There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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