You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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