I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
