well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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