i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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