smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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