I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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